Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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