Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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