The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
