If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
