Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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