We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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