he wants to bone in the snuggie
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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