I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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