we have officially mastered the walk of shame
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize