He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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