everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
