there's paper in my vomit.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
