They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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