Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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