I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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