Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize