I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
