I'm jealous of your bromance
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
