This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
