And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
