i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize