I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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