Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Randomize
