you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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