If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
