he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
