dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize