I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
