I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
