he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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