Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
