they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
