How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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