your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
