I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
