I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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