i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
