her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm getting married
To pizza
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
