he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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