i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize