I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
