idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
