You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
