you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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