I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Welp...herpes.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
