I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
