Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
