I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I forgot wine drunk hurts
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
