And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
