yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
