I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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