Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
