so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
