Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize