A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize