So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Randomize