Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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