So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Randomize
