My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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