There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
