she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
