i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
