it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
