Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
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