My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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