i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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