I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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