Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
