I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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