whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
