I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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