and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
