It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
