I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
