Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
