I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
thus making me awesome and them whores
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
