butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
