Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
