He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
