i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
