I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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