Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
