highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
