I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
