Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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